Disclaimer: In any church there are people that are currently in process of leaving, have just left, or are thinking about leaving. That will be the case at The Journey as well. Which means that if one of those people reads this post the first thought is that I am writing something about them. That is not the case. Rather this is a post for church planters/leaders to explain my journey from taking things personally to a better way forward.
Every church leader knows the pain of people leaving the church they are leading. Sometimes there are totally legitimate reasons for someone leaving, and certainly for some people there are seasons of life that change, and a change of scenery is probably good.
When "churched" people leave The Journey (or your church), what is the response? I used to get mad. I don't anymore.
It would frustrate me that people who grew up in church, had a Biblical background and some understanding, understood the role of service, had experienced God's grace, would leave. Here's why: we have about 65-70% of people who attend The Journey that weren't going to church for at LEAST two years previous to coming to us. We have lots of people who have not yet decided to follow Jesus, and lots of people who are new to the faith. These longer-time followers have ministry opportunities right in front of them!! Yet, we would see people unwilling to embrace that. Instead there would be concern about not going "deep enough", not being "connected", etc.
I am not blind to the fact that there are a myriad of ways we can improve as a church. Believe me. We are definitely a work in progress. But . . . I would get mad for a couple of reasons: 1. Those issues seem to relinquish any personal responsibility for growth or connectedness. If you're relying on 30 minutes on Sunday to be "deep" you're in trouble every single time. You're responsible for your own spiritual growth. 2. If you're relying on the church to "connect" you, once again you're in trouble. We have to take initiative in relationships. It's up to you. We can help, but it's not on programs, it's on you. 3. I would be mad, because I felt like we "needed" that person to accomplish the mission. So I felt personally upset because that person was letting me down. It was another person that wasn't helping us fulfill what God had placed in our hearts. That was wrong and selfish, and did not give God the credit that He was due.
Now, I still believe both #1 & #2, but now when someone like that leaves (and there will always be people like that), I mostly feel sad for them. They have multiple opportunities to connect with people disconnected from Jesus and help them take significant steps of faith, which would absolutely take their own faith to new heights. I feel sad because they have the opportunity to make a real difference if they'd be willing to be uncomfortable. I feel sad because I sense they are missing out on the greater life that God wants for them.
But, I'm not mad. Because I know now what experience has taught me, that God will work out His plan for The Church and for people, with or without them. If you're a new planter - don't be discouraged. It's God's Church. He will raise up what you need, when you need it.
When you are more sad than mad it shows that you're more about people & God's agenda than your own agenda of growing a successful church.
So, do you get sad or mad?