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Parenting (part 3)

See yesterday's part 2, and Wednesday's part 1, by scrolling down the blog

Much of our parenting years have been spent standing in our kitchen, looking at each other and saying "what should we do now?".  The other responds "I don't know, what do you think?", and then we both shrug shoulders.  We've done this so often, it's become like our own little ritual.  Usually after that exchange, I go to the calender and begin to count how many days it is until Jennifer and I are going somewhere without the kids.  You might think that's bad, but it's actually a good thing, because it gives Jennifer time to search her mental files under WWDD (What would Dobson Do?) or a myriad of other books we've read, like Kevin Leman's great book "Have a New Kid by Friday", which although the book has been an incredibly valuable resource to us, it always seems like it is Saturday in our house and we still have the same kids.

So, what do we do?  In the midst of crayons up the nose (yup, we've been there), tempers, and tears, and laughter, and important "talks" that seemed to have little effect - in all the craziness that is parenting, we are simply trying to love God, love each other, and love our kids.  To parent with eternity in view, and take it one step at a time, and pray hard for our kids (because we know who their parents are!!).  And as difficult as it is, we're making it, and they're turning into fine young men, and someday they will leave.  And that moment that we had daydreamed about so many times, will break our heart.

What forgiveness is and isn't

On Sunday we shared a list of what forgiveness is and isn't.  It went pretty quick on the screens and I've had some people ask to see it again, so without further ado, for your reading pleasure . . .

What forgiveness isn't . . .

*Approval of what they did; excusing what they did; justifying it; pardoning what they did; reconciliation (that's between two people); denying what they did; blindness to what happened; forgetting it; pretending we're not hurt.

What forgiveness is . . .

*being aware of what they did and still forgiving them; choosing to keep no record of wrongs; refusing to punish them for it; being merciful; choosing graciousness; an inner condition; the absence of bitterness.

Remember, fogiveness is a choice.  It's not "I can't forgive", it's "I won't forgive".  Choose to forgive.  Cut the line.  Put them on God's hook.

Parenting (part 2)

See Wednesday's post for part 1.

It may be just us, but we run into parents all the time who talk about how wonderful their children are, all the great things they are doing, how well behaved they are, and well, just how wonderful it is to be parents of such wonderful kids.  We respond, "oh, that's so . . . wonderful for you."  Meanwhile, we're daydreaming of a time where it will just be the two of us again - free from bedroom brawls, name-calling, and fights over who had that ________ (insert: toy, video game, marker, shirt, cookie, remote, or friend) first!

Don't get us wrong, we love our children.  And, they are good kids, and we're proud of who they are becoming.  But, they aren't perfect, and neither are we.  Parenting is hard work.  It's often times tedious.  It's day in and day out consistency, it's focused intentionality.  It amazes me that you have to go to school for eight years or more to practice medicine, but you need no schooling at all to be a parent (who has to practice medicine all the time!). 

Parenting is difficult.  And, lets be honest, most of us don't really like difficult.  I don't.  I don't even like slightly uncomfortable.  But parenting is difficult.  That's why parents with any sense of reality, and some years under their belts (and a few pounds too), use words like "challenging", "stretching", and yet "rewarding".  Which, by the way, "rewarding" really means "this is so difficult and challenging and stretching - something good has GOT to come out of this, right?  RIGHT?!  Please God!!"

Much of our parenting years have been spent standing in the kitchen, looking at each other and saying . . . (part 3 tomorrow)

Parenting

People will often times look to someone like me (a pastor) for advice.  Here's a little secret though - when it comes to parenting - we don't really know what we're doing.  So, you might not find tons of help here.  If you had come to Jennifer and I 14 years ago, when we were experts, maybe we could have helped.   But then we our children and all our "expertise" went out the window.

Before we had our kids, we were GREAT parents!  We would say things like "they should never let their kids behave like that" or "they're just letting their kids run free - they'll be sorry later" or "that would be totally unacceptable in our home".  Those were the good old days.  Confident, sure, focused.  Then our first son was born, then our second, and finally our third.  In the matter of minutes, I went from Cliff Huxtable to Ray Ramano.  We went from GREAT parents, to just, parents.

When you spend the next 14 years saying things like "let your brother out of the entertainment center", "do not EVER lick the toilet again!", "take your underwear off of your brother's head", and countless "don't eat THAT!" and "don't put your fingers THERE!" it will kick your confidence, your assuredness to the curb in a heartbeat.

It may be just us, but we run into parents all the time who . . . (part 2 tomorrow)

Get Your Agency Fix On

We have a group we call "The Agency" at The Journey.  They are a group of our ministry leaders.  We periodically get together with them to cast vision, dream together, etc.  Last night was an "Agency" meeting.  We had a great time.  If you missed it, check it out here, at the Fix ON blog.  Oh, and there's a pretty good video that we shot after church on Sunday that you might want to check out there. 

And the Oscar Goes To . . .

  uhh . . . I don't care.  I'm watching Amazing Race!!!

Long day today - I was awake from 2-3:30 am, was at church by 7:30 am.  We shot a video after church this morning, and then had our Beginnings Group over at 5 pm.  It was a good day, but tiring.  Big week ahead with lots of meetings - but things I'm looking forward to.

Oh, yeah - I'm picking Slumdog Millionaire for Best Picture, in case anyone cares.

Things that Keep Me Up at Night

Here's some things that keep me up at night:

*How do we continue to be mission focused and make a real difference in our community in the midst of a severly struggling economy?

*What needs to happen to prepare the way for campus #2?

*What are we going to do with all the people that will be there on Easter????

*How can we celebrate and encourage the staff we have when we can't pay them any more than we do?

*What systems need to be in place to help everyone who wants to, to get connected?

*What systems need to be in place to help us grow to 500 and beyond?

*How do we best utilize our Lead Team for the overall benefit of The Journey and the development of our overall staff?

*Will the Cubs break my heart again?

*How do we reach more people disconnected from God?

*How do we help those who are still seeking at The Journey, take their next step?

*What do I need to do next to grow as a leader?

*What am I going to speak about Sunday? (okay, that one, I'm just kidding!)

Restless nights

The last few nights have been fairly restless.  For some reason (I do have a cold) I keep waking up - 2 am, 3 am, 4 am, 5 am.  I used to get really upset when I couldn't sleep.  Mad.  Frustrated.  Sometimes I would get up and read a little, watch tv.

Over the last years, I've learned to take those as quiet times I can spend with God.  Instead of wasting time being angry and TRYING to fall asleep.  I try to spend that time praying.  Talking with God in the stillness of the night.  Bringing my concerns and my thoughts to Him.  Talking about The Journey, my family, and those that I know.  Praying and asking God to make me into the man He wants me to be.

Two nights ago, I put my hands over Jen and prayed a prayer of blessing over her and her life.  I've prayed for my kids as I hear them stir in the night.

This doesn't make me some great "pray-er".  I spend time with God each morning, but I can go through much of my day just doing life and not paying attention to what God wants to say to me.  Enough that I've wondered if maybe the reason I wake up at night is because that's the only time God seems to get my attention.  Ugh.  I want to know Him more, hear throughout the day, listen and respond.  In the meantime, as I grow, I guess I'll continue to keep the tv off, and use my time in the wee hours of the morning to connect with the God of the universe.

This weekend

This weekend we're finishing our series "God at the Movies".  We'll be looking at some clips from Baby Mama and Slumdog Millionaire (interesting mix, huh?!).  This will be a great weekend to invite someone - we'll be focusing our attention on some very important issues for all of us.  It's been a good series - and as much as I've enjoyed it - I can't wait until our next series:  My Story 2!  Love hearing everyone's stories and how they can encourage and challenge all of us.  This is a must series, and a great first series for a friend to attend.

Renewing and Depending

I like to be fully independent.  To not have to rely on anything or anyone.  I can figure it out, I can handle it, I can do it myself.  BUT, I can't.  The older I get, the longer I'm on my journey with God, the more I realize it.  I've always "known" it, but now I "own" it.

The Bible says that anything good comes from God.  If anything great is going to happen at The Journey or in my life, it's going to come from God's hand.  There's a balance - I need to do my part.  I need to work hard, do my best, put in a full effort - but my prayer is:  God, help me to be available (not necessarily able), to be sensitive to Your Spirit and leading, and would You do God-sized things that only You could take credit for.

I want to be a part of something God-sized.  I want to see The Journey become all God has for it - that will only come from a deep dependence on God and His work in and through available, willing, prayerful people.

That's one of the ways I'm trying to let God renew my mind.  Today, I did a study on renewing my mind, on being transformed by God, on focusing my attention on the eternal, rather than the here and now.

I've got a long way to go.  But slowly, He's working on me.  How are you depending on God today?  How are you letting Him transform your thinking?  Are you available today?